It's so funny that we force people who don't want children to give an explanation but rarely ask "why" of the people who do! Particularly given all of the catastrophic things you mentioned. Maybe this will shift now that we're all talking about it.
As a woman who has just turned 30, I often feel the pressure to justify my life choices. Conversations with the women in my life have shown me that the fear of losing oneself in the process of becoming a mother is indeed very common and not discussed enough. The choices we make in our own lives deserve respect, full stop. Thank you for sharing this intimate piece.
Completely agree. Have you ever read the regretfulparents subreddit? Every time I see a post crop up in there, it just reaffirms my decision to stay childfree.
Thank you for writing this! I resonate with so much of it. I remember wanting a family like Lizzie had on Lizzie McGuire lol. Her home seemed so safe, supportive and happy. I’m glad we are able to give that to ourselves now — in a way that makes sense for us 💗
Thank for sharing this! I feel so many people don’t understand when I say I don’t want kids. Maybe it’s selfish maybe it’s self-love but I cannot fathom how I could be a mother they deserve if it requires giving up more of the life I haven’t gotten to live
this essay touched my heart. as a child, I never dreamt of having kids; that was never something I wanted, and yes, my mental illness makes me even more reluctant to give in to the pressure of my family/peers to have a traditional family. I lost my childhood and teenagehood because of the adults in my life, and I don't want that ever to happen again. Honestly, I find it insulting that people ask for an explanation when I say I don't want kids… I happen to have a reason, but just because I'm a woman I have to want kids?
Senior year of high school, a friend told me I’d either be an excellent CEO or mom.
I like to think he came to this conclusion because I gave school 110%.
Things change, and I can’t fathom giving 110% to anything with my PMDD.
Just because you have the capability to do something, doesn’t mean you have the capacity to do it. I will be staying out of the C-Suite & Nursery for now. 🫡
Oh God I have pmdd too and it's horrible. You have my sympathies!!! I hope you're happy staying out of both the nursery and the c suite (I certainly am)!
Having just turned 40 I have reached peak pressure (from my own mind, from others, from my partner). Not one day goes by that I don’t feel some guilt. I resonate with so much here, with very similar thoughts so thank you for sharing 🖤
Really enjoyed this, Liv.
It's so funny that we force people who don't want children to give an explanation but rarely ask "why" of the people who do! Particularly given all of the catastrophic things you mentioned. Maybe this will shift now that we're all talking about it.
Thank you, Lisa <3
Yeah, that's such a great point—I never thought of that, but I really hope that it does!
As a woman who has just turned 30, I often feel the pressure to justify my life choices. Conversations with the women in my life have shown me that the fear of losing oneself in the process of becoming a mother is indeed very common and not discussed enough. The choices we make in our own lives deserve respect, full stop. Thank you for sharing this intimate piece.
Completely agree. Have you ever read the regretfulparents subreddit? Every time I see a post crop up in there, it just reaffirms my decision to stay childfree.
actually I never did! I will take a look for sure, thank you Liv x
Thank you for writing this! I resonate with so much of it. I remember wanting a family like Lizzie had on Lizzie McGuire lol. Her home seemed so safe, supportive and happy. I’m glad we are able to give that to ourselves now — in a way that makes sense for us 💗
yes! lizzie's home was the best—even with her annoying younger brother, Matt <3
Thank for sharing this! I feel so many people don’t understand when I say I don’t want kids. Maybe it’s selfish maybe it’s self-love but I cannot fathom how I could be a mother they deserve if it requires giving up more of the life I haven’t gotten to live
Yes exactly! and I'm getting really tired of the "well, you'll change your mind someday" comments. Because no, I won't!
Someone has to be the cool aunt
this essay touched my heart. as a child, I never dreamt of having kids; that was never something I wanted, and yes, my mental illness makes me even more reluctant to give in to the pressure of my family/peers to have a traditional family. I lost my childhood and teenagehood because of the adults in my life, and I don't want that ever to happen again. Honestly, I find it insulting that people ask for an explanation when I say I don't want kids… I happen to have a reason, but just because I'm a woman I have to want kids?
Yes, exactly! We owe no one an explanation - our "no" should be enough. A quote I heard once that's stuck with me is " 'No' is a full sentence."
Senior year of high school, a friend told me I’d either be an excellent CEO or mom.
I like to think he came to this conclusion because I gave school 110%.
Things change, and I can’t fathom giving 110% to anything with my PMDD.
Just because you have the capability to do something, doesn’t mean you have the capacity to do it. I will be staying out of the C-Suite & Nursery for now. 🫡
Oh God I have pmdd too and it's horrible. You have my sympathies!!! I hope you're happy staying out of both the nursery and the c suite (I certainly am)!
ohh I definitely am!
Having just turned 40 I have reached peak pressure (from my own mind, from others, from my partner). Not one day goes by that I don’t feel some guilt. I resonate with so much here, with very similar thoughts so thank you for sharing 🖤
I'm so sorry that you're dealing with that kind of guilt, and I hope you find some permanent respite from it someday soon 💖